They give us so, so much - yet they ask for so little. When we’re forced to say goodbye to our companion, our friend, it is not only heart-breaking but seems so unfair, too.
The concept of grieving and mourning for the loss of a dog can be an alien one and something that many struggle to understand. The pain experienced when your dog dies is very similar to that experienced at the death of a person. The immediate loss of their life; of the social and emotional bond leaves an awful void that so often is very raw, just in the same way that the loss of human life does. Their loss instantly puts their presence and life into perspective. Your dog was with you every day, spending time with you, bonding with you, interacting with you - in fact many people see and spend more time with their dog than they do people, so it is little wonder that the grief is so overwhelming when they are gone. The empty favourite chair or bed and the lonely toys sit contactless as a reminder of their departure.
Embrace the time you allow yourself to mourn as an opportunity to remember your dog. It’s an unfortunate part of losing a beloved dog that we can miss out on the good and positive memories while we mourn.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross famously described the “five stages of grief” to help better understand this highly emotional period we will all experience at some time in our lives. I’ve included them here largely as an indicator of what to expect, although each person deals with death and grief in a slightly different way.
Denial
The initial shock of loss leads to disbelief. The emotional numbness we experience acts as a form of self-defense from reality.
Anger
As it all sinks in, anger may begin to develop. This comes from a combination of your emotions and almost acts as a way to exhaust the stress. This stage often causes the mourner to lay blame on persons or things for the death.
Bargaining
Sometimes known as the “what if” stage - the person grieving envisions a way to have prevented the death. Guilt often accompanies bargaining.
Depression/Sadness
This can be a difficult stage to endure, but it is necessary to the healing process. A sad situation calls for sadness, and the reality of the death can cause a person to become very low. It is normal, but not without end. However, serious long term depression is a sign to seek help from a professional.
Acceptance
Though the sadness and grief may remain forever, the acceptance stage means coming to terms with the reality of the death. Accepting it does not mean you are “over” it. Acceptance simply means you understand that life goes on.
Although they are no longer here to physically hold, to walk and play with, they will always have a very special place in your life in the form of constant cuddles in your heart and plentiful memories in your mind.
Part of the pain comes from the so acutely definitive end to your relationship. But your love, your memories, the time you spent with your dog does not have to end. Many dog owners choose to immortalise their dog’s characters and memories in a number of different ways. Dr. Ian Dunbar has leather collars for each of his dogs with a nice engraved tag. When they move on to that great big dog park in the sky, he hangs their collars on the wall of his office as a constant reminder of their time together. If you don’t have a collar or want to do something a little different, you could keep a few items like their favorite toy, a lock of fur or their bowl and put them in a box in a safe place, or even have them framed in a box frame. Or you could have your dog’s paws set in plaster of paris, much like pregnant women do with their stretched stomachs. Paying for a nicely framed, high-quality photo or canvas print is a beautiful way to immortalise those memories and their life.
You may wish to collect your dog’s body from the vet and bury them in your own garden, perhaps buying a special tree or shrub to sit on top of their burial place; a favourite place or a nice sunny spot. Cremation is another option, which allows you to keep your dog’s ashes in an urn or scatter them at their favourite park, woods or in your own garden.
It’s important to talk about how you feel and talk to others who have experienced the same grief - take a look online at some of the forums set up especially for helping people deal with the mourning of a much-loved pet.
A Dog’s Prayer by Beth Norman Harris
Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.
Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice is the world’s sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.
When it is cold and wet, please take me inside… for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements… and I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth… though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land… for you are my god… and I am your devoted worshiper.
Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life, should your life be in danger.
And, beloved master, should the Great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest…and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.
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Posted in Jez's advice on anything dog by admin
